Awkwardness Ensues!
by embrace-your-inner-dork
Summary: Malik is using Isis to get back at Shadi for some unnamed issue. But with Pegasus involved, the only thing any of them is bound to get is a headache. Shadi/Isis, Pegasus/Pandora, Malik/Rishid if you squint. Crack!fic.


**A/N:** Okay, things'll get a bit confusing, I reckon, so let me explain. YGO obviously isn't mine. Judging by my works, nobody would want me to own it. XDDD Anyway, the initial backdrop for the Pegasus/Pandora interaction is from my ongoing Trials and Tribulations of a Couple of Animals, so this is in the same continuity (only they're actually in the mansion here instead of the apartment). Also, the explanation for Shadi being there/alive is that the concept for this was written almost two years ago, before I knew he was (and therefore wrote him as either a mystic or an immortal), so I guess this is AU because he is alive and (usually) corporeal. Malik still having the Rod is also AU, and there will likely be some general OOC-ness throughout the story. Call it a crackfic, I don't know. Lord knows anyone who's read The Video knows I screw with canon occasionally, and I _have_ been playing on ZOMGCRACK!!YGO on LiveJournal. Well, now that you've been sufficiently warned, I'm not to blame when your mind is warped. On with the story!

* * *

"I can't believe you did that!" 

"Me? You started it!"

Shadi shook his head. Why did he put up with Pegasus again? He wasn't too sure anymore. The fact that he had some harebrained scheme going that involved the just-as-crazed Pandora being his partner-in-crime didn't help.

"I don't care if you _are_ a billionaire, I oughta deck you!"

"Oh, I'm so scared of a _has-been magician!"_

"That's_ Mister_ Has-Been Magician to _you_, Sir Nose-Up-Your-Ass!"

"Have you been _looking_ at my ass to know?"

So much for partners. Shadi buried his face in his hands. Now he knew how workers in insane asylums felt. He had lost the two lunatics a while back in the argument, but he had gathered that it stemmed from a recent episode where they had been dreaming about their lovers and ended up unconsciously…acting out said dreams…on each other.

"Have _I_ been looking at _your_—oh, like you have room to talk, you fruit loop! The clothes? The mannerisms? 'Yuugi-boy'? Are you kidding? Who's the gay one here?" On a roll, Pandora got up in Pegasus' face, pushing him backward to punctuate. "Have you forgotten about Cynthia already? Or didn't you—did you even love her to begin with?"

Silence. How dare he…! Pegasus inhaled sharply, clenching his jaw and putting on his brave face. He would not give his opponent the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Realizing he was in serious trouble, Pandora covered his mouth. "It's useless," Pegasus mouthed maliciously. This sort of attack would normally have merited a retreat, but it was too far gone. He was officially pissed off. The mogul's voice went almost icier than that of the infamous Seto Kaiba.

"And being so obsessed with yourself that you neglect and push away the only person ever to stand by you is something to be proud of? I daresay Catherine would hate you if she knew what you'd become—oh, wait, I almost forgot. She already _does_ hate you." Narrowing his eyes and smirking, Pegasus dealt the final blow. "And if you ask why that was called for, the last time I checked, narcissism is in fact a form of homosexuality."

Ooh, direct hit. Pandora winced, shuddering and reeling backward with one hand over his heart. Shadi only sighed and shook his head disapprovingly. The conjurer had set himself up for that one, in his opinion. He looked back and forth between the two broken men, each trying to collect himself before the other saw his weakness. (Though both of them weren't too great at machismo, for anyone interested, Pegasus was totally winning hands-down.) Weeping publicly wouldn't be good when your sexuality is already in question, don't you know. They looked away from each other, silent.

Shadi knew that wasn't going to last long.

"I have half a mind to take you by your pansy neck and—"

"That's all you _have_ is half a mind, you pathetic, ignorant little—"

The argument was not only back again, but more heated than ever. Pegasus and Pandora turned around, nose to nose, and practically screamed in each other's faces accusingly. In unison, no less.

"You liked it and you know it, you sick, twisted pervert!"

Floor, meet Shadi's face.

* * *

Malik cocked an eyebrow, smirking. "Hey, Isis?" 

"Yes?" The blue-eyed Egyptian woman didn't even bother to turn around to face her meddlesome brother and whatever asinine thing he was going to ask of her this time.

The decidedly feminine-looking boy batted his eyes at Isis. "I've kind of got a vendetta against someone, and I want revenge—but I'm not out for anyone's life this time, don't worry—and I need you in order to do what I've planned, and—"

"No, Malik. Whatever it is, no. I don't want to."

"Oh, yes, you do." Sneering, Malik tapped the Rod behind his back. Suddenly his sister's eyes began to glaze over.

"Yes, I do…"

Malik chuckled. "Perfect." And with that, he signalled for Rishid to follow and led his mind-controlled sister to Pegasus' mansion, where he knew his target would be...

* * *

"Shadi." 

The mystic turned at the mention of his name, grateful to focus on something besides the two freakish (and, in his humble opinion, horribly closeted) excuses for men bickering behind him. Strangely, he saw nothing, but the voice only kept on.

"You're getting what's coming to you, Shadi. I have something you want. I'll show you something you've wanted for a long time."

Shadi furrowed his eyebrows. Was that Malik?

The voice only started laughing, almost maniacally. Yeah, it was Malik, all right. "And…go!"

Huh?

Blank-faced, Isis strolled over and stood in the doorway, hiking the hem of her dress nearly the entire way up her leg. "Oh, Shadi…"

What the bloody hell was this?

"Oh,_ shit_." Great. Perfect. Shadi covered his face shamefully. He could feel a nosebleed coming on.

The fighting stopped abruptly, both weirdoes staring at the eerily out-of-character vixen in the doorway.

Pegasus blinked. "O-kay…?"

"Uhm…yeah…" Pandora's eye started to twitch as he slowly scooted away. "I, ah, think I'll just…leave…now…" Scrambling to his feet, the illusionist dashed to the nearest door that _wasn't_ being occupied by possessed women exploiting their bodies.

"That's the—"

SLAM.

"—closet." Pegasus' face fell as he watched Pandora shut himself in the walk-in wardrobe. After reaching into one of his ever-present wine cabinets and grabbing a couple of bottles, the aristocrat chuckled bemusedly and joined his incredibly stupid co-conspirator.

How he suddenly forgave and forgot, who the hell knows.

In any case, Malik was busy still controlling his sister, much to Shadi's frustration—which, of course, is what the blond was aiming for. He willed Isis to sashay over to Shadi, _just_ close enough…

The turban-clad man reached out to her.

YOINK.

Malik's diabolical laugh pierced the air again as he snapped the Rod in the opposite direction, taking its victim with it. "I told you that I'd_ show_ you what you wanted. I never said you could _have_ it." He kept snickering, and Rishid echoed.

Furious, Shadi said nothing, only focusing on Malik. Soon enough, the Egyptian maniac felt his weapon of mass destruction being jerked out of his hand by what seemed to be nothing at all. His grip on the Rod eventually slipped and it floated in midair on its own.

Shadi smiled ever so slightly. "Ha."

Frowning, Malik watched as Isis fell limp, no longer under his control. Damn, there went his plan of torturing Shadi in a terribly convoluted and maddening vengeance plot.

Slowly getting up, Isis' face darkened and she glared at her brother. It was then that he realized he probably should have taken over her entire mind and not just her will. She knew what he did to her.

This was not going to end well.

Rishid cleared his throat. "Ah, Malik…I believe it's time for us to…go to bed…" he said, jabbing his adoptive brother in the rib nervously.

His statement was greeted with incredulous stares all around.

It took a moment for Rishid to realize his flaw, and his cheeks flushed profusely. "Not like _that!"_

"Then what do you mean?" Malik asked, mind in the gutter.

The bigger man kept a cautious eye on his foster sister, who looked ready to tear the both of them limb from limb. "I mean RUN FOR IT!"

"OH, I get it…" The non-scandalous meaning dawned on Malik. Rishid grabbed his arm and started skidding down the hallway...but the chase was short-lived.

Malik cocked an eyebrow. "Wait a second, you just got done saying Isis was after us, so…"

Rishid shrugged.

Malik echoed the gesture. "Okay. We're safe then." With Rishid still holding onto his forearm, he made his way back to the room, where he found a decidedly less crazed Isis being held back by Shadi.

A voice rang out from the closet. "Did someone say they were going to bed?" (The other voice, meanwhile, muffled, "What the hell? Are we locked in here??")

"Well, yes, but—"

"Not a problem," Pegasus sang. "I've got you covered." He pushed a very loud button in the closet and suddenly a section of floor flipped over, revealing a very nice queen-sized canopy bed.

Malik and Rishid stared bug-eyed at the thing. Their thoughts likely switched between "Hey, cool, a bed just came out of the floor!" and "Could this guy possibly get any fruitier?"

Apparently, they opted for the first one.

The two eagerly jumped onto the mattress, laughing and wrestling for their share of the covers. Much rolling around and bumping ensued. Listening to them, the men in the closet wondered what those two had been smoking and where they could get some.

Flabbergasted, Shadi and Isis would concur on the first part.

Speaking of which, Shadi still had a firm grip on Isis, with one hand across her shoulders and the other around her waist. Granted, neither of them was complaining, but still. Shadi looked away and coughed nervously, the rushing to his tanned face. With a mixture of embarrassment and reluctance, he started to let go of her…

Until he realized she wasn't responding.

Shadi blinked and looked at the woman in his arms. Dear, she'd passed out or something! Well, he couldn't quite drop her now, could he? Tightening his grip a little, he sat down on the floor, carefully easing Isis down as well. He cradled her head, making sure not to disturb her or hurt her at all.

However, the sounds of drunken crying, whining, and general emo-ness from the closet and…whatever the hell Malik and Rishid were doing behind the canopy were probably going to disturb her anyway.

That stupid button sounded again, followed by a startled shriek from…Pandora, probably, and the bed flipped back into the floor with Malik and Rishid still in it.

If not for the fact that he was busy frantically covering Isis' ears, he would have laughed.

Well, that and the fact that he's Shadi. Shadi does _not_ laugh.

He held to her steadfastly, protective of her though there was really nothing to shield her from. The noise, of course, only got worse as Pegasus leaned back on the button, sending the bed on a spinning trip in and out of the floor. The unmistakable sounds of Malik and Rishid getting sick were only overpowered by Pandora stupidly banging a liquor bottle against the door to get it open. Shadi scowled and pressed Isis' ear to his chest, trying desperately to muffle any noise that would wake her up.

Unbeknownst to the determined mystic, Isis was already awake. Not that she let him know, of course. She smiled ever so slightly and relished where she was, blocking out everything besides herself and Shadi.

This, of course, was a good idea, considering the circumstances.

The bed finally stopped right-side up, with an extremely dizzy and nauseous pair of Egyptians struggling to stay conscious. Likewise, a horribly drunken and half-clothed pair of Americans tumbled out of the closet.

Gives a whole new meaning to coming out of the closet, ne?

In a stupor, Malik's vision deceived him into seeing much more to Shadi and Isis' closeness than there actually was. "Get the hell off my sister," the blond slurred.

Rishid held on to both sides of his head to try and straighten it. "It was your idea in the first place, Malik."

Malik frowned. He hated being wrong. "Go back to bed, Rishid."

"Not until you do."

More staring.

"…What? It's common courtesy! He won the fight, he gets the covers! Hmph. Perverts, all of you."

Still more staring.

"Oh, forget it." Resigned, he pulled Malik behind the canopy.

The very thought of Rishid…well, you know…ick. Anyhow, it was effective in scaring people away. Pegasus and Pandora had disappeared to Ra-knows-where, and nobody frankly wanted to know what was going on with them. Wanting nothing more to do with any other goings-on, Shadi held on to Isis and teleported the hell out of there.

His magic kind of gave out on him, though, and the two only got as far as the closet. Shaking his head disgustedly, Shadi picked up the discarded items of the two loons that he just _knew_ were getting it on in some upper room, previous homophobic argument or not. He wrinkled his nose and threw the things out the door, careful not to hit Isis.

Tight for space, and forgetting Shadi didn't know she was awake, Isis brought herself a lot closer to him, though whether she knew her dress had hiked up again is debatable.

WOAH. This was just a bit overwhelming for our favourite turban-headed man. The was rushing, all right. "Isis? You are awake." He blinked. "You are all right, I trust?"

"Of course," Isis replied coolly. "Just a little cramped." To punctuate, she pretty much made sure there was no space between their bodies at all. The prophetess fidgeted a bit, though. "You brought the Ankh, I take it."

"I always do. Why?"

"Then why is it…" Isis groped around aimlessly, and felt the familiar shape dangling around Shadi's neck where it usually was. "Wait. If the Ankh is here, then what am I sitting on…?"

Shadi gulped. "Ah…I can explain…"

Possessed with…something that wasn't the Rod, Isis smiled and hushed Shadi. "Don't bother."

* * *

Boy, was he refreshed. Malik beamed and got out of the oh-so-convenient bed, leaving Rishid behind. He needed the rest. The blond stopped, hearing voices from down the hall. 

"What the hell gives you the right to be here?"

"_You_ did, if you don't remember!"

Oh, no. Pegasus and Pandora were at it _again._

"I'll not tolerate being disrespected on my own property!"

"You act like _every_where's your property, so what's it matter?"

"Well, then why don't you just—"

A short, painfully awkward silence followed, as if the two were only just waking (or sobering) up. Malik neared the room, peeking in to see the two, barely clothed and staring incredulously at each other.

Pegasus gasped. "Did we actually—"

"You and me—"

"—can't have possibly—"

"—doesn't even make sense—"

"—forgive me, Cynthia—"

"—now Catherine will never—"

"—oh, dear." Pegasus was pensive for a second. His thoughts, however, were rudely interrupted.

"See? I _knew_ you were a fairy!"

"It takes two to tango, my boy!"

"But you _clearly_ started it!"

"Oh, you liked it! And it's not as if you put up a fight. You're quite the screamer, you know."

The magician's face turned about five different shades of red, and he gritted his teeth. "…don't _ever_ say that again."

Lowering his eyes, the artist frowned. "Right. Well, this incident does put quite the damper on our quest…I apologize. We both got carried away. We were drunk. It's nobody's fault."

"Yeah, I guess."

"We are _never_ to speak of it."

"I concur. If you don't mind, I'm getting dressed." Pandora immediately turned around and scrambled toward the nearest door that he _knew_ wasn't a closet, but on the way, he slipped, grabbing a cord to keep his balance.

"No, that's the—"

SPLASH.

"—trap door." Pegasus slapped his forehead and summoned Croquet to help the pathetic performer out of the moat. From the bottom, he heard a few of his alligators splashing around, Pandora screaming, and then a weak and despaired, "I think I just got fixed."

The word "fixed" sent chills of the worst kind down Malik's spine, so he stopped snooping and returned to the room Rishid was sleeping in. Reclaiming his Rod before he forgot, he swung open the closet door.

Of course, he found Shadi and Isis, asleep and barely clothed.

After a few seconds of pure unadulterated bloodlust coursed through his brain, Malik shrugged and turned around. He'd bugged them enough for the day. There was always time for revenge some other day. He woke Rishid calmly and helped him up.

Oh, he was angry. He just showed it in a different way.

Like leaving them stranded there at Pegasus' mansion, and bribing some guards to put the place on complete lockdown for a few hours.

Malik nodded. Life was good.

FIN


End file.
